Greetings and good-byes in a country that’s a melting-pot and a time when formal manners have fallen by the wayside
I always hate saying good-bye to people. Not because I’m sad to leave them (though that may be the case), but rather because most of the time I don’t know how I should be saying good-bye. Hug? Hand-shake? Little wave? Air-kiss the cheek? One cheek or two? I always feel silly doing the cheek-kissing thing, and both that and hugging seem a little too intimate for somebody you hardly know (though I know some people like to hug practically everyone). Plus, there are just some people I do not want to get that close to!
The same problem arises when meeting someone new. Usually a hand-shake does the trick, or if you’re seated sort of far apart, a wave is usually sufficient. But I’m still usually tentative and unsure what to do.
Part of the problem is the fact that you have so many cultures meeting here in America, especially at colleges or in larger cities. And each culture has their own little variations on greetings and farewells. If you’re with a group with a lot of Europeans, do you follow their lead, or do you stick your hand out in a more traditional American approach?
Most of the time, I wait to see what the other person starts to do. This sometimes works. Sometimes it confuses the other person. Sometimes they may get the impression that I don’t like them. And sometimes I totally misread what their intention is. I’m not the most perceptive person in the world when it comes to reading body-language. Then I end up feeling stupid for a few hours afterwards.
Does anyone else find this stuff awkward, or is it just me?
September 18th, 2005 at 7:40 pm
Wow - that’s the longest title of a blog entry I’ve ever seen.
I typically go with the “wave.” I love the “wave,” because it’s subtle body language that shows all-around “good intentions.”
For example - if you just SAY goodbye - with just your voice - in some places, the other person might not hear you. Or, if they somehow miss your “vocal goodbye,” by not looking at you, when you said it - they may think you hardly said it at all - and therefore, they’ll think you may not like them.
The “wave” is great, cuz you can VISUALLY show the person that you are saying goodbye - without having to yell. You can do it from a distance - or up close. And, in combination with a vocal goodbye.
I’d have to think that other cultures respect that too. And, I’m typically not too “keen” on “touching” the other person - whether it be a handshake, or hug. It’s not that touching is bad - but American culture has pretty much gone against it. (I hear in some European places, everyone gets a kiss on the cheek.) We just don’t do that, over here.
So yeah - I feel pretty content with the “wave.”
September 18th, 2005 at 11:39 pm
Hehe, yeah, next time maybe the whole post will be in the title.
I frequently fall back on the wave, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough, depending on what company I’m in. So then I feel silly for waving when everyone else is hugging or shaking hands. Maybe I just think about it too much!
September 19th, 2005 at 10:57 am
You’re right — it is awkward. Whatever the wrong move is, that’s the one I inevitably do.
Ever see that Seinfeld episode about this?
September 19th, 2005 at 10:59 am
Hmm, I don’t think I saw it. It does sound like the perfect topic for Seinfeld, though.
September 19th, 2005 at 3:34 pm
The Kiss Hello episode. Here’s the script.
(I don’t know how to do html links, otherwise I’d hotlink it here) http://www.wayabroad.com/english/tv/Seinfeld/seinfeldscripts/TheKissHello.html
Jerry by the kitchen. The buzzer sounds, and Jerry answers.
JERRY: Yeah?
WENDY (O.C.): Wendy.
JERRY: Come on up.
Elaine enters from the bathroom.
ELAINE: Well, this is it. Shall I go get Kramer?
JERRY: No no, he’ll come in. Well, this is gonna be my first
opportunity to not kiss her hello.
ELAINE: What is the big deal about putting your lips on somebody’s
face?
JERRY: It’s the obligation, you know? As soon as this person comes in,
you know you have to do this. I mean, if you could, say, touch a breast as part
of the kiss hello, then I think I could see the value in it a little better.
ELAINE: How ’bout an intercourse hello? How would that be?
JERRY: Elaine, now you’re being ridiculous.
October 7th, 2005 at 7:39 pm
Jennifer - I totally know how you feel. Not being much of a hugger myself I often veel very awkward in goodbye situations even to the point of dreading the goodbye moment. Dan’s parents are elderly and not a month ever goes by in which I don’t see them but the always greet me with a hug/kiss near the ear and say goodbye with a hug/kiss. Now, Dan’s parents are two of the kindest people on the entire planet but I have to say when his dad gives me the near-the-ear kiss it makes my spine tingle and not in a good way. We go through the whole process each and every time I see them even if it was only a few days ago. Yech.